I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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