Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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