She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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