I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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