You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
