What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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