clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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