I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
