***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
