All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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