I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can I color on your dick again?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Two words: blizzard sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
