im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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