i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I want a musical about memes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize