I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
