using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
