In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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