My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
