Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
