i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
