I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
