I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
