you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
