He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
