My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
