if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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