you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
