i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
