don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
