Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
