Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
