my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
