Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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