Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
