in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
