I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
