Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
