Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Who wears a wallet chain?!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
