ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
