very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You are a genius and a whore.
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