By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
