My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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