Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
