I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's even glitter on my cock...
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