Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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