what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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