So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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