what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
