last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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