Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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