I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
