I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
