So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
