i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
